they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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