he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
