I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
