he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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