come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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