I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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