Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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