she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
