she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
there is puke in my bra ... again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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