i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
