you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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