idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
