dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
