so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
