I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
