omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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