I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
