My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
