When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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