I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
