it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
