i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
