oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
