Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
