no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
