so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
