just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
