I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
