please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
