NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
