I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
