You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i dont even know how to be here
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
