I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
