if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
