I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
