All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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