she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drake has all the answers
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
