I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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