Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
