my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
