is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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