ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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