Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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