peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
