im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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