two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
