i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
