Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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