Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
