Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
