I got chris browned last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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