You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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