So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
